"God calls us in our weakness, but he qualifies us for his work."

I have officially started my paperwork to become a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Last Wednesday, I had my appointment with my bishop to start my papers, and oh what a day that was. I have never felt so weird in my life. I use the word "weird" because that is the only word that I can think of to describe how I felt that day. I had made my appointment with my bishop, for 5:40pm that night. When I woke up on Wednesday, I felt very odd. I was nervous because I didn't know what to expect in the meeting, but I got up and got ready for the day. I had gone to the temple and on my way home I just burst into tears. I just cried. I couldn't feel the desire to serve, and I was so nervous for my interview. I did want to serve, I just didn't feel that awesome burning desire. I just cried out of pure frustration. I didn't ever think about not going to my interview, or just not going on a mission all together, but I was just overwhelmed. I felt so weird. I can't describe it. I still wanted to serve, but I didn't feel the burning desire to serve. I just couldn't feel it. I felt like I was in the dark, but I just focused on 5:40. I was finally on my way to my appointment, when I started to feel the darkness lighten. I felt that excitement to serve slowly start to burn brighter. I turned on my favorite hymn, "We'll Bring The World His Truth." The words,
"We have been taught, and we understand,
That we must do as the Lord commands
We are as the army of Helaman.
We have been taught in our youth.
And I will be the Lord’s missionary
To bring the world his truth."
hit me like a ton of bricks. I almost but burst into tears for a second time. I felt the spirit so strongly, it was the first time I had really felt it all day. The desire I had, returned fully to me and I felt so good. During my meeting, my bishop said nothing but positive things, and all my nerves faded. I felt so at peace. The spirit confirmed to me that I am doing what God has planned for me. I am doing God's will by serving a mission. I know now more than ever that when we do submit to God's will and do what he has planned for us, we will receive more blessings and happiness than we can even imagine. God created a perfect plan for us and he wants us to be happy. It's up to us to take the opportunity that God has offered.
There have been so many instances that I have felt so inadequate to preach the gospel. I often think, "I don't know enough" and I feel as though I have just skimmed through life without really understanding the gift that I have been given, and I get really disappointed. I wish I could have really listened and learned in seminary and young women's, but I know that I can only learn from it and move forward. That is why were are here, to learn from our mistakes, and be made whole by God's infinite atonement. I am here on earth, therefore I am not perfect, and I can choose to dwell on that fact or strive to be like Christ. I look at the example of Lot's wive who chose to dwell in the past, and was punished for it. I may not turn into a pillar of salt if I dwell in the past, but I will slow my internal progression severely. I want to become like Christ. I want to live with God again. Sometimes I may slip and fall but I know that Christ is always there ready to help me back up again. I know without a doubt that God needs me out in the mission field and he is so happy that I am doing what he wants. I promise that if you only have a desire to believe, it IS enough. It won't be easy, but as Alma says, "..even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe.." I know, without a doubt that the gospel is true. I know it. I cannot deny it. I have had the spirit testify to me that it is true. I know that God lives. I know that his plan is perfect. I am so very blessed to have been born with the knowledge of the gospel. I am so grateful for the opportunity to share it with those who don't have the knowledge but are ready for it. I am so excited to serve. I know that my Savior died for me, and that is a gift I will forever be in debt for. I love the gospel with all my heart. I hope and pray that someone will be touched by the spirit while they read this. I leave this with you, in the name of our loving savior, Jesus Christ, amen.