Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence

"With any major decision there are cautions and considerations to make, but once there has been illumination, beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing. If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now. Don’t give up when the pressure mounts. Certainly don’t give in to that being who is bent on the destruction of your happiness. Face your doubts. Master your fears. 'Cast not away therefore your confidence.' Stay the course and see the beauty of life unfold for you."
- Elder Jeffery R Holland "Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence" March 1999

If you ask any missionary (future, current, or returned) they will have had some sort of feelings of opposition while deciding to serve. I know I have, MANY times. I have felt myself doubt that decision to serve and if it is right for me. I have had many thoughts of feeling unworthy. At one point I felt completely lost and I wasn't planning on serving at all. I know I haven't even started my papers, but I can already feel the adversary trying so hard to stop me from serving the Lord.

About 2 years ago on a Sunday, I was sitting in Sunday School just dying to go home already. I remember thinking how tired and bored I was. Little did I know, that in Young Women's that day my mind and heart would be open to something that would change my life forever. I didn't know that the adversary knew what God had planned for me that day. I also didn't know yet, that the adversary worked in such mischievous ways. When third hour rolled around, I walked into Young Women's and saw two sister missionaries sitting in our class. I didn't know why they were there or what they were doing but I just walked in and found a seat. We did opening exercises and our Young Women's president turned the time over to the sisters to teach our lesson. At that time of my life, I had no idea what sister missionaries did. I honestly didn't fully know what Elders did either. Serving a mission was something I had never thought about doing. They gave a lesson and left a lot of time for questions. I don't remember the lesson they gave or most the questions that were asked, all I remember is that leaving church that day I thought to myself, "If I am 21, and not married or seriously dating anyone, I will serve a mission."

That thought had stuck in my mind until that Saturday morning last October. I remember I was getting ready for a dance day-date and I had been reading twitter when people started tweeting about the age change. I ran to the T.V. faster than I have probably ever ran in my entire life. I turned it on and heard the words, "Today I am pleased to announce that able, worthy young women who have the desire to serve may be recommended for missionary service beginning at age 19, instead of age 21." spoken by Thomas S. Monson. Those words shook me but I have never felt so sure about anything in my then 17 years of life.Even today as I read those words, I get the same feeling I got when I heard them that October morning. I will serve a mission at 19 years old.

It took me a while to really understand that I am going to serve a mission in a year and a half rather than three and a half years. I remember praying a lot to really know if that is really what the Lord wanted of me. I received my answer early in November. It was just after the election and a lot of people were upset about Romney not being elected. The whole time I had just this overwhelming peace and I knew it was going to be okay. I had a friend text me and asked me to help her understand why this was God's plan and why this had happened. She was really upset. I just felt the need to bare my testimony to her about the Lord's timing and his perfect plan. I told her that I know that God has a plan, and it is perfect. It may seem scary at times but God knows what is best for us. When I spoke those words to her, I knew that baring my testimony felt so good. I knew that sharing the gospel and spirit with people was what I needed to do. I knew then more than ever that I am going to be a missionary with or without a tag.

I can feel the adversary trying to drag me away. If I skip reading my scriptures one night, the night after is so hard to get myself to read. If I am listening to even the smallest temptation from the devil, I notice a difference in the spirit I feel. I have been reading in 2 Nephi, and chapter 28 it talks a lot about the cunning ways of the devil. In verse 21 it says, "And others will he pacify, and lull them away into carnal security, that they will say: All is well in Zion; yea, Zion prospereth, all is well—and thus the devil cheateth their souls, and leadeth them away carefully down to hell." It says in this scripture that Satan makes us believe that even if we sin, "All is well in Zion." I testify its not. You cannot justify sin. If you feel as though you have sinned and its not "that" bad, I promise that Satan is trying to pull you "carefully down to hell". You may think, "Well that's a little dramatic, going to hell for going to bed early instead of reading my scriptures?" He does is carefully. It starts small. Anyways, the adversary wants us to be like him: unhappy. Last week, I made my appointment to start my papers. I have never felt the spirit of the devil so strongly. I was at work when the ward secretary texted me and told me when my appointment was. I said, "I just made my appointment to start my papers!!" Right as the word "papers" rolled off my tongue, I got this sudden feeling of doubt and unworthiness. I can promise that I have nothing to be doubtful of. I am worthy to serve a mission. I know that it was Satan trying to tempt me to not start my papers.

I know this is only the beginning of my missionary service, and I know there will be more times where Satan will try and tempt me. I also know that my Savior is on my side, and if I choose to follow him with all my heart, might, mind, and strength, nothing will harm me spiritually. I know that by serving a mission, I am doing what God wants me to do, and what he has planned for me. I know that there is a reason I was Young Women's the day those sister missionaries taught. I know that God knew what was in store for me and that he was preparing me for my service as a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I know that God's plan is perfect. I know that my Savior, Christ the Lord, has helped me through so many times where I couldn't have done it on my own. I am so incredibly blessed to have the knowledge of the truthfulness of this gospel. I love my Savior. I love all that he has done for me. I can't wait to serve a full time mission and help bring others unto Christ. I love the happiness the gospel brings me and I can't wait to share the light.
I say these things in the name of my savior, Jesus Christ, amen.